Life is going on normal... And that troubles me. I can't recall the last time I had a normal life. Besides, lately I seem to spend too much time in memories. Seems the past is better than the present.
The memories don't hurt me[which is actually worse, because I'm getting addicted]... They take me to a non-existant land that still seems realistic. A land where I was happy. The strangest part is I can't recall any time in my life when I've been happier than now. Then why the hell do I need the memories?!?

three people as friends not as hypocrits
a vacation of smiled tears
childhood or what was made of it
a parent by definition if not by blood
various obsessions

This is the greatest moment of your life and you're off somewhere, missing it.
Tyler's always right...

Do not tell your troubles to others unless you are sure they want to hear them.

Yes, indeed. I have stopped telling people and now I tel myself. I tell the computer. I type it up and send it in the most secure place ever - where evryone can see it. Few are the people that actually know me and might read this. It is a strange feeling speaking into the nothing. Telling everyone and no one.

No one cares about what they read in blogs.

It's just entertainment... on another's behalf.

Caffeine
Needed that.

Yesterday I had an interesting discussion with an even more interesting person.
I won't go into details and just mention it was concerning my appearance and religion.
What she made me think about was more interesting though.

Why do the people of today become what they are?

I've always known they are extremely selfish(me included), very shallow(usually me included), shut out from the world(always) in a very pseudo-social way(very rarely), controlled by people with the same IQ but with a bigger desire for power(never!)...
But... why?
What made them become who they are?
What is that trauma that killed us all?
I'm not sure I know the answer.
Maybe...
We've all become egotistic with the development of the world, of thw web, of money if you will. And now we want it for ourselves. We don't want to share. Be that our paycheck or our life.
We shut them out so that we can enjoy ourselves.

Populus me sibilat, at mihi plaudo. Ipse domi simul ac nummos contemplar in arca.*

So we just enjoy ourselves and forget the old saying that a shared joy is twice the joy... Sorry for the terrible translation, but you got the idea, I hope...

Then it is egoism that killed us? And yet we're still nurturing it within. Why? Simple - it helps us survive...
_____________________
* See the end of A Study in Scarlet

Oh, god... I never even thought such ignorance existed... Then again evrything is possible within my own family.

My granmother is staying over at my dad's. She has sclerosis and... need I say more?!
She constatntly thinks she needs to go home (it's yet another issue that she feels the same way at home). She always turns to my father, but whenever I'm around I try to help him because I have much more tact and just know how to persuade people.
Now I have understanding of ageism, but, for fuck's sake, I thought it went only for elder people!!! She treats me like a 3 to 4 year old without exaggerating. The hilarious part is that she just suggested she was so much taller than me... well okay I was sitting, but it was still about a foot or so (while sitting).
Throughout the years I've know her she has always infuriated me, but now... It's as if she feels I cannot possibly know the simplest thing. As in why is she here, what is she doing here. She actually becomes really rude while I'm being so nice and caring to her and just cuts me off.
Don't talk to me while I'm asking your father.
I asked your father!

I don't know how long can I bear it.
My dad was suggesting (at some point) that she had become suicidal and we'd have to keep windows closed at all cost.
Right now I could lead her out on the balcony for a walk... Darn! Why do we live just on the second floor?...

Well I'm having a completely insane life right now... It's weird. I'm usually so involved in it, but at the moment...

Everything is a copy, of a copy, of a copy...

I repeat that line too many times for my own good.
The Hitchhiker's guide movie's come home... well, to my country anyway. Surprisingly, there's this very critical magazine, whose movie reviews are usually terrible... they say it's as good as it gets... agh, I wish I had been born earlier. I could see good movies from the end of the 80s and beginning of 90s... I even think there were some very nice ones during the 70s...

It's gone.
So am I...
at least now.

I have a weird life right now, or did I just say that?
I'm social, I'm happy, I smile...
I thought I was a social misfit, but it seems that social misfits can have quite a social life with others like them...

How come all the good things start getting bad?
They say they're great, but after the commersial it just bites...

I can't hear you, I can't see you! Go away! Come comfort me...

If you know what people read your blog do you change what you write, so that they don't see the truth? NO...

Maybe it's wrong. Maybe I should continue fooling people... Mostly myself.
It's difficult you know - to fool yourself. I've mastered it.
I need music.
I want to do something, but I'm too lazy.

They want me to do something over the summer...
Like what, dear?! What am I good for?!
Just do what you like, it will be of use...
What you like, you mean...
I'll agree with anything you choose...
... as long as I've proposed it originally to you...

I love to manipulate, hate to be manipulated.
Shut up. Just keep it inside.
NO! I do what I want to.
Well okay, not really...

{{{You can be unreachable, if you really want to.}}}
{{{I'm not sure I do... I'll think about it, though...}}}

Stardust

Agh, I've been meaning to write for so long... Every time I ride the bus i come up with a million things to say, but whenever the 'add a blog' window loads I keep drawing a blank and end up just closing it. Well it's about time.

I have been living in a sunny euphoria for the last 2-3 weeks but I think it is beggining to fade. I guess i could talk a lot about personal life, but I don't want to (and there's not much going on except for a very close friend leaving the country... not the time, nor the post for that...).

I want to tell you what happens when a famous band play in a country in the middle of nowhere.

Of course, fans are excited(Pardon me, did I forget to mention it was a big 'metal' band? Black Sabbath welcome to Bulgaria...) and everyone wants to go... which I guess isn't all that bad... It's the afterefect that's troubling me... You see a big concert attracts all the fans. Thus making it popular. Basically it attracts not just people who love that music, but also ones who want to be popular...
Normally you could spot a metal or *gasp* a goth occasionally at bus stops, but it's quite a rare occurence. After the concert I see these giddy girlies (and, sadly, boys as well) with T-shirts of bands they probably hadn't heard of (until bying the T-shirt) let alone heard wandering all around...
Gah, I just hope it's the fact I'm going 'downtown' more often and the concentration is higher down there (and that is hopefully the concentration of metals rather than wannabes)...

Well eventually i should go back to that big important secret project I'm working on... Well i can't tell you yet what, it's a well kept secret between the 2 people working on it but I can tell you one thing:
0110100101110100001001110 1110011001000000110000100 1000000111000001110010011 0010101110011011001010110 111001110100

Gotta love the binary encoder...
Bye, bye
~surrounded by more geeks than ever
--Crescent


*NOTE/PS: For the purpose of this entry the word 'metal' has been used not describing a person listening to metal, but rather a person that also dresses typically and accordingly to his/her music tastes.