He looked around and secretly crept his hand to the bag. He could never find anything there, but this time it wasn't difficult seeing as he barely kept them in. He took out the two wing cut-outs. They were in his mailbox in the morning. No warning, no nothing. Someone had pitied him. Not just someone, someone. They knew, they saw. Who could notice him? Well, admittedly, everyone noticed him in one way or another, but this was different. He knew. Yes he was pretty sure a boy left them. He had no reasoning behind it, just a feeling.

They were obviously from a magazine, fairly recent. The were like angelic wings - the perfect shape, covered in feathers... they were black, though. A fallen angel? No. More like a human trying to be an angel. They could never be that pure, so they were blackened, charcoaled from the sun and halos.


At first he didn't want to turn them over. He wanted to believe they were wings, he didn't want to accept they were cut-outs... Curiosity was against him and finally won. The back was pure text. No beginning of paragraph, no borders, no pictures. Just text. He started reading. He recognized it as parts, words, sentences of a short story from one of his favourite authors. This was getting closer, but to himself, not to that someone.
Then he considered another turn of the tower – the someone hadn't left any clues to himself. Maybe he wanted to remain unknown... he just wanted to entertain someone's life. Or maybe himself. This was an experiment!
But as much as he thought of plots and cruel politicians and their sleazy secretaries, he threw out the idea. It just didn't fit. There was love in these wings. Care. Someone cared. At least a little. Someone wanted to give him wings, even if charcoaled, to let him try to fly. Could he... would he?


He stroked them again. The smooth shiny paper of a magazine. He turned one over. “I like your stuff.”

Then he realized. Those were his wings. His way to freedom. Out of this world and into the next one. It was perfect. It didn't matter who sent them. It mattered they were now his to fly with. To get away. Away. It sounded too good. But there they were!...

It was a new moon tonight. No one could see him. He was getting out of here.

I gave him back his wings
they cut mine, remember?
so I gave him a couple of feathers
so he could fly
up to the stars
look at them shine
7f3m
she was gonna kill me
but I digress
I hope his new wings help him
as they never helped me
there is a certain mystery to it
a black crow landed and left them for you
the magpie said to give you those
the sunflower grows no petals anymore - just feathers
I hope he doesn't understand
I hope he liked them
he did
there is a certain mystery to it
just appeared
I hope he doesn't know

spotlight's on me
he's shining on my golden hair
he doesn't even know
My own private... spotlight
is it still called that
if no one knows?!
they'll laugh
but I love it
I don't care for them
let me photosynthesize[the brits always knew culture... try the photos]

there is some pervertiness within showing off to no one
's why I like it I guess...

and just in case
it's simply lace
not lingerie
I hope it only sets you free

for me it didn't
for many wouldn't
clear away the scars
I hope it takes you to the stars

Am I dead?
Or am i the only one alive?!

Missing you, needing you
this is getting physiological
addicted...
Love is just a drug...
don't look, it's mine
must have
I need
svnhrs

soon
soon
soon

thx must...

I have two addictions.

Wings are cut
all is done
Tuesday's gone
thank me
I don't need another day like this
I'm still not done even
it's painful to even contemplate what is ahead
future is a backstabber
not a speller


oh wait these aren't lyrics
I'm trying not to auto correct contractions
just finished under-water works
heh you don't want to know how my mind got there
foxy voice, smiley voice, rolleyes

he made me promise
she made me promise
dammit it's so tempting
I mean they're so beautiful...
they're calling out
[no not that crazy yet]
I just could a little
please?
aw come on
you know I won't
I intend to keep my promise as best as I can
don't go for me
I'll blame them when I leave
units of parental origin
environment
not you[either of you]
but you just go on
no gardens
no crosswalks
please
I'd turn over in my grave

Rest in Pieces
as many as I can make
slash me
going gone stone dead
FOREVER

it's black behing my eyelids
like a broken string from a once attached toy, on the way to the vet
so incredibly sad
Haulden is more depressed and more bisexual than me damn
heh and we study that boy
aw well not that I mind, Ville
for who's movie?
ah yes
black hole
head like
meet you in hell, darling
I'll sing it
you shut your eyes

...

10.18.05 (10:17 pm)   [edit]

Stretched out
over too much
I still fell it
life that is
but somehow
think there and back again
the big movie
yeah

it's addictive you know
he cares too much
I can't accept it
we had a dispute
me and myself
[not with her]
she's my reason
she's my doubt
who is she?
no idea
she's stopped me from asking
first time we spoke and I realized her presence
[or is 'she' female?!]
she erased the whole conversation from my mind...
I had just asked her who she was
she had disappeared
and I couldn't remember a thing I had just said
talking to myself in public
never thought it would happen
happens more often now
glad the deity didn't see me in class
If a body kiss a body...
him again
I can't escape
I don't really want to
it feels too good
that scares me
I didn't want to stop either
they say it's not harmless
ah the irony
but what's wrong with it?!
Blood of kings
... the rejuvenating blood of a thousand virgins...

rumours go far
especially if friends pass them around
not an accusation but a pointer
never finished the tutorial
will pretend to be almighty
like I always do

he's okay
he was sick
metatron
he's my first angel
isn't that right, darling?
fives
blackeyed invert

This is not for you
porcelain doll
[have always loved them]
it's not your taste
won't like it
warning over

Imagine just lying there
aerosmith
beautiful
together
I know what he means
it's just too perfect
just
just
has to be a lie
but it isn't

Sometimes you're too good to me...
I am not supposed to be treated like this
you have to tread on me
to crush me
to make me eat my own words
crush my own dignity
you make me cry
by just being so good
I can't
I don't deserve
You shouldn't

teardrop

But but.....

Thank you then...
thnk you for my life...
thank you for returning to me that which I always wanted and which I never had
I love you...

What is tomorrow?
Ah yes
wings cut-out day
it's fast but painful
damn
Social day
all the angels staqnd in queue
acting liek nothing's wrong
chatting like it's all alright
WTF
what's wrong with you?!
pain is... undefined
or I shouldn't go there?

why do I want to protect others more than myself
I was supposed to be an egotist
but I can't let him or her do what I do
sorry
I don't think they will anyway
I hope not
I promised not to, either
I'm not sure if I can keep this
I miss both of them lately
and this is a very good way to talk to at least one of them
I shall have to find other release
where?! how?! who?!
nothing and no one
can't risk it anymore
will turn back to arts
where's my little black book?
No one has read it
The Diary of a Suicide
heh I knew it would go back there
I love to read it
it shows me how much better I was then
then
makes me feel next to nothing now

Is happiness destructive?!
Seems so...
Destroyed all I was
all I had
to be replaced by what?!
a life?!
is this really what I wanted?!
I don't know
I told them I don't want to make that choice
but have I made it subconciously
going along my plan
even without realising so?!
no please no
I don't know anymore...

Trapped in amber
Feel like using them
Don't want to be him
They say I don't
Don't I?
I do


both spineless and sublime
but aren't all the things I do?
creativity lost
it's all becoming mediocre
after her death
after my happiness
how can I be happy after all this?
blame them
No
they are means to an end
Whose end?
God's
but I am god
then you
as usually
manipulate them

Joystick
dildo
french phone
goodnight
I don't miss them

A suicide girl
not a model
a jumper
not you
she didn't
darn

An ex-princess
she gave up her dreams of material things
but not of people
people are cruel, girl!
dumb bitch

A twisted musician
never understanding
irresponsible
never caring
unable to love
unable to have a real friend
even one

A subway girl
menacing
Barri Gótic
blood fishnets
a feeling of home

A chinese doll
in red and black, but only up
lolita tee white
and a smile

A language queen
seems in constant beatitude
her hidden tears
runaway fears
her smile is just for me
my lap is always hers

A troubled teen
what a cliché
not original
not unique
bled
unassisted
misunderstood
who isn't?!
cut up
they don't know half of it

Please, just...
Would you...
just
there
is always sweetest
the back of a butterfly
Ah... nevermind
Major déjà vu...

place inside on the outside
or does that mean something else?

You want commitment?
who knows the answer to that?!

again again again

they called me
I'm in[don't]

what about my red friend
and the curved
well whatever

The Comte Donatien-Alphonse-Francoi s
got to fly south for l'hiver...